Things They Don't Tell You Enough

Nearly eleven days after the surgery; what do I notice at this point?

I was worried about the bleeding into the gauze covering the incision site. The doctor allayed those fears; she said this was normal, because the hematoma (she said that was another term for the clot) is breaking down and as it does I'll find the blood oozing out. So be prepared. Open R-N-Y surgery means you're going to be doing a lot of leaking for awhile. It's not pleasant. The doctor talked about picking out pieces of the clot if necessary...this freaks me out a little to think about.

Another thing they barely mention is...well, to put it the way one of my nurses confided in me, if it goes in liquid, it comes out liquid. For about a month. This has been happening for a little over a week now and believe me, it wears on your patience.

Mentally I already knew that there were emotional swings as you adjust to things. And I do feel them at times. Many of the "little things" that can wear on my patience have been shifted off of me so I don't need to worry about them as much; my daughter has had to shoulder quite a bit of the "pick this up" and "clean that up" burdens, along with her little brother asking for her attention and for her to read stories to him. My parents have stepped in to help with making sure the little guy has a good dinner and gets dressed for bed.

Things still get to me periodically; I'm changing my own dressings on the wounds for awhile, and here's another tidbit for you that you may not be told beforehand; the heavier you are, the harder the incision is going to be on you. I had one of the post-operative patients tell me that she never felt anything after open R-N-Y surgery in her abdomen; I felt a constant pull from the incision site whenever I stood upright. Every day the pain and feeling of tension eased a bit but even now I feel the tugging. Why? Because the person who didn't feel anything wasn't anywhere near as fat as I am. Once you've stretched flesh until the connective tissue is damaged beyond bouncing back you basically have a lot of weight constantly being pulled down, hanging, swinging, by gravity. Which means it's a lot of excess stress on the gaping wound in your gut.

Seeing this every day and trying to get the gauze and tape to appropriately protect the cut is an emotional blow for me. Every day I'm hoping things are a little bit better and every day I see the dark crusty fault line of blood. It's depressing.

There is a definite emotional toll taken by doing this surgery. I lose track of time because mealtimes pass by unnoticed and before they were daily milestones marking the passage of the day. I see a wound on me that looks like something from a horror movie. I accidentally ripped open one of the holes from which a drain had passed through the abdominal wall; the tape for the gauze pad over the incision area was over too far, I didn't realize it because I couldn't see very well over my mountainous gut, and while changing the gauze I suddenly realized what I had done. I just wanted to cry. I've been working hard to get healed up and this is what I ended up doing. I felt like such an idiot.

Another item if you don't have it emphasized enough: you can't heal alone. Don't think you can. Don't try it. You'll need help. I'm getting around pretty well now, but there's always a chance between the medications and sudden bouts of weariness that can lead to trouble. For example, washing is a problem. I make it a rule to never shower alone in the house when I'm like this. I'm on painkillers right now plus, while I'm getting around better right now, I'm not at one hundred percent. The act of stepping in and out of the shower could easily lead to a fall that can incapacitate, or worse, leave you both incapacitated and bleeding from a ripped incision. Someone else must be in the house while I'm taking a shower in case there's a problem.

So those are the things that even if you heard it mentioned, you need to make sure you take them to heart. Remember:

• Open R-N-Y means you're going to be bleeding for awhile. The staples won't completely stop it. If you're like me, you're going to ruin some clothes. Make sure you have enough stretchy-band pants/shorts to get you through the month.
  
• Don't heal alone. They say you need a support person, they mean a set of support people, and maybe a saint or two. If you have pets, young kids, etc. etc...that warning goes double. I don't know how I could have made it through this if it weren't for the people who have helped me through the healing process so far.
• You're going to have emotional moments. I don't know if it's the lack of food, or the pills taken for painkillers, or adjusting to life as you're healing or whatever the new circumstances are throwing at you; you're going to have moments where you feel like a useless, worthless lump and it'll make you depressed.
• Your liquid diet means you're going to...um...liquid goes in, liquid goes out. This gets on my nerves. I don't recall this being mentioned in the brochure.
• One more note: ever see those extender claw toys for kids, you squeeze a handle and the claw gripper closes on things? My son has one. We call it "Pinchy", and it is by far one of the most useful things from the surgery time. I use it to get things that are just out of reach...clothes, my pill bag, ice from the drawer of the freezer on the bottom of our fridge so I can refill my water bottle. Get one of these things.