First Gym Day

When I was a student I never liked gym class. I have no idea what I'm doing with "working out".

But on the other hand I didn't know if just riding bike was doing "enough." Bike riding is mostly a cardiovascular exercise. If I wanted to build strength I'd need to bite the proverbial bullet and start using some strength-building machinery.

I bought a Weight Training for Dummies book but haven't had a chance to read it yet. I mentioned to my parents that I was thinking of trying to work at a gym and they bought me a one-year membership at a local gym.

Good side: it's five minutes from my house.
Bad side: it's a gym.

Like I said. I know nothing about what I'm doing and I hate gyms. C'mon...we all have a pretty good idea what thoughts go through a Normal's mind when the grossly overweight guy walks into the workout area, yeah?

I was given a sheet to keep track of my progress. Here's what I did (1 set of 15 reps each):
compound row, 65 lbs
lat pulldown, 95 lbs
pec fly, 80 lbs
vertical chest, 65 lbs
lateral raise, 35 lbs
overhead press, 35 lbs
bicep curl, 35 lbs
tricep extension, 35 lbs
lower back, 110 lbs
abdominal, 65 lbs
leg press, 260 lbs
leg extension, 80 lbs
seated leg curl, 80 lbs
abd/adduction, 50 lbs

I had started with 1/2 mile on the treadmill at about 2.5 mph, and ended with 10 minutes on an elliptical machine.

I have no idea if this is "good" or not, but it was over an hour at the gym, and the girl there originally told me that new people start off with 3 sets of 15 reps (I did just one!). I probably could have done it all again but I saw the time and wondered if I really wanted to be there another two hours to do 2 more sets.

I skipped riding bike tonight since I spent an hour there. She said that I should wait a day before coming back in...I'm not available until after the holiday, so I'll probably try riding bike tomorrow. Or maybe I'll go back to the gym for another session if I'm not too sore. I'd assume that meant that I wasn't overworked or hadn't worked enough.

Anyone have knowledge of workout routines? For a greener-than-a-frog beginner, was what I described good or bad?

Time to See My Doctor

I had an appointment this morning to see my primary care physicians. I had bloodwork started on Friday so today was my "results day".

They didn't test my cholesterol because they had done it two months ago. At that point my "good" cholesterol was low and my "bad" cholesterol was high. Don't ask me which is which, I always have to Google it.

Blood pressure was on the high side of normal, but not flagged. My liver function was still over 100; lower than it had been, but it's supposed to be near 60, I believe they had said. They think it's fatty liver side effects. I had an ultrasound before to check the high numbers and nothing abnormal other than fat deposits had shown up. It's a wait-and-see.

Overall I have one item--liver function--flagged this time around. Better than usual.

Unfortunately it means I'm staying on my medications for now. I was hoping to trim one or two out of my routine. Thirty-something years old and I'm on nine pills in the morning, two at night, and two blood pricks a day to test blood sugar. Oh, yeah, blood sugar levels have done well since I took myself off my diabetes medications too. The docs said that was fine.

I go back in 6 months now for another checkup and in 3 months I go in for labwork, and at some point they're going to put me in the sleep lab for observation to see if I really don't need my CPAP anymore (I stopped using it shortly after the surgery because I had stopped snoring and didn't have the same side effects I was having before...the pseudo-narcolepsy thing...felt like I was sleeping okay. At the time I stopped because I was having trouble with my mask and just got fed up and stopped using it a couple nights in a row and still felt fine.) (I know, it's not a good patient thing to do, to just decide I don't need it and stopping without getting it checked first. I don't need that lecture. I simply had enough hassle with it for awhile and...hey, if you followed the blog, you know some of the troubles I was having. I decided to reduce my problems by one.)

Fitness Books and Options Galore

We had the family out recently to a Barnes and Noble bookstore and while there I asked my wife if she had seen any Dummies books on fitness. I had looked in the exercise section but found nothing.

Turned out they were having a display of the Dummies books elsewhere in the store, 30% off, so I didn't see it in the "right" place. Whoops. Did I mention my wife had a professor whose daughter was a cofounder of the company that makes the Dummies guides? Yeah. Neat factoid. Hard for me to type that without instantly thinking of the quote from Spaceballs when Dark Helmet tells Lone Starr that "I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate. "

So she picked up a book on fitness and I skimmed it. I was looking at trying to find ideas for alternative methods to build some strength and stamina while primarily working off weight, hopefully with something that can fit my habits with minimal interruption and preferably minimal expense. Yeah, I know, it's a pipe dream.

I skimmed through part of the book and...geez! I don't think you can really get into the fitness realm with any real knowledge of your arse from a hole in the ground unless you turn it into a full fledged hobby, which is not something I want to do.

Hmm...riding equipment. I have some space in the basement, I enjoy my stationary recumbent (and am considering pricing a newer one out because this one hurts my butt after an hour). What does it say? There's upright bikes, recumbent, elipticals, treadmills, weight machines, machines that simulate climbing, rowers, steppers, freeweights...whoa. By the way, treadmills are most accurate for estimating calorie burn, if you're interested. And many manufacturers lie or fudge estimates. One of the authors had a guy from a company admit they use a formula that boosts the number by some 30 percent so that customers subconsciously prefer their brand over others.

Okay, okay...lotta machines, I get that. How about a gym? You have to look at fitness trainer availability, classes, hidden fees, cleanliness in changing rooms, security, does it specialize or is it generalized, how new is equipment, upkeep in current equipment, fees for initiation,...okay. Overload. Stop there.

Screw it. Let's try something simple. Body only. That should be cheap. It talked about Pilates, aerobics, step-aerobics, kick boxing, martial arts, dance, stripper pole workouts,...AAH! Stop!

Okay, no no. Let's go outside. Biking? Recumbent or straight? Inline skating? It talked about how many injuries the ER sees from that every year. Rules of the road. Trying not to get hit. Bad weather. Ack. Let's go back in.

Pilates sounded interesting. It is supposed to focus on your core muscles, helping you with flexibility and strength through movements derived from animals. It originally was to help injured dancers stay in shape. Flip a few pages...um...easy to do wrong, recommend hiring an instructor, depends on if certified, get DVD, maybe public class for less, join a gym for possible discount, private trainers go for $50 to $200 bucks a session!? Um...well, there is just the DVD option...it recommended going to Amazon for some reviews...oh geez.

So much to learn. Maybe I'll do something any idiot can do and run.

Shoes cost how much? And are replaced after 400 to 500 miles?

Walking?

They last for one thousand miles, eh? And you need to do what to monitor your heartrate? Shoes should have added what support and reinforced whats? And there's an actual technique to walking for exercise? I've been doing it wrong for over thirty years?? Holy smokes.

I remember quite firmly why I thought fitness work was for the birds. Every time I look at that book after about ten minutes I'm ready to shove those pecs and abs and all those other wonderful jargon words up someone's glutes.

Sigh. But I'm still looking at it. I'll figure something out, I suppose.

Airlines Charging More to Oversized Passengers?

I toyed with the idea of when to put this post into the feed, since I already had a sizeable (HA!) story in the queue for today. But this was an in-the-news item and as a rule of thumb...if I'm putting something in that is "time sensitive" I try not to put it into the end of the queue where it could take days to show up.

There is also the fact that while I've heard that this was being considered before I didn't have the link handy; it didn't stop me from putting it into my previous post as an example. Then my wife told me this story had just appeared in CNN that, lo and behold, was about this precise topic. I love it when fates smile on me. Doesn't happen often, but when it does, I smile. And I hit "edit" on the post that needed the link inserted to prove I wasn't just being a smartass and rambling about the topic.

The article pointed out that obesity has been rising for 25 years, yet coach seats are still 17 to 18 inches wide. Another reason this caught my eye is because I read about this issue already in The 9-Inch "Diet", a fantastic book that discusses another perspective on obesity in America, including the fact that theaters with their typically smaller seating have found it necessary after raising a generation to chow down on mega-boxes of candy and buttered popcorn now have to spend money on renovating with larger seats because their patrons are getting larger (that that they're the cause, just a contributor).

The issue here is that airlines are getting one step closer to charging fat customers for two seats on planes. Apparently airlines have had 700 complaints last year from passengers that had obese passengers spill into their seats, and one-third of a small European airline's 100,000 customers supported instituting a "fat tax" on passengers that are overweight.

To their credit, the article states that most airlines have had informal policies to deal with obese passengers that usually involves moving the obese passenger to another seat with an empty neighboring seat for free if the flight isn't full.

There have been lawsuits that claim this is discrimination, but since there are no laws to prevent discrimination against obese individuals I guess this means it's okay to do that (unless you can prove to a jury that your obesity is genetic and thus out of your control).

The funniest part for me was that after an accident from an overloaded plane (that's not entirely fair, it also had a maintenance issue, according to the piece) in 2003 the FAA decided to reevaluate the weight it uses for estimating average passenger size, upping it from 180 to 190 pounds (including luggage). I found it entertaining in that it once again illustrates that these people don't pay attention to what is going on around them...honestly, you haven't noticed that there's an obesity problem on the rise in the US? The figure of 180 was used in 1995. That means they updated it after 8 years. Geez.

The obvious answer is to start making seats that are wider, unless they really don't care about passenger comfort. There are normals out there who find airline seats uncomfortable, hard as it may be to believe. And it sounds from the article as if airline companies have a good view up their butts too...Boeing said that the 17 inch seats suit 95% of they traveling public, and that it's the shoulders, not the butts, that are more often spilling into the next seat. Honestly, wouldn't wider seats solve or alleviate the issue whether it's shoulders or arse spilling over?

So is it fair for obese passengers to pay a "fat tax"? Or should airlines work to accomodate their passengers, flaws and all? I understand that airlines need to work to make a profit and squeezing that profit out is more and more difficult; they need to balance comfort with profit or else there wouldn't be an airline left to have this issue. Personally I'm thinking that airlines have a convenient scapegoat when they should be focused on enlarging seats a bit to accomodate the average paying clientele. They'd rather not deal with it because they already irritate their clientele through asinine security procedures and removing even basic comforts like in-flight meals.

I suppose that there are actually two "obvious" answers; widen the seats, or lose weight. One puts the burden on the business to accomodate their clients. The other is forcing clients to adjust to those who are supposed to be providing a service.

Or don't fly. If everyone is getting fatter and they refuse to use a service where the business won't accomodate them then the airlines will get the message in the pocket books.

Just some food for thought.

Obese Teens: A Case of Neglect?

What follows is apparently an item of controversy; no doubt my opinions are probably controversial as well (as if that's a first). I recently found news stories about two overweight teens with similar but not identical.

One story is about a boy who weighed 60 stone at his peak; for people who aren't in the land of Monty Python, that's about 840 pounds. His mother waited on him hand and foot, offering him 8,000 calories a day in food. Apparently Mom had lost a child to a brain tumor at a very young age and so she became rather "addicted" to tending to the whims of her second son.

The second story involves a woman charged with and arrested for neglect because she allowed her 14 year old son to grow to 555 pounds. She was quoted as saying that she had to work fulltime second or third shifts as well as sleep, so she couldn't monitor her son's diet one hundred percent of the time.

The first story has a passive obese person who more or less allowed...and partook in after being offered...downing way too much food and no activity to burn it off until he ballooned. The second story is becoming a case calling into question government's role in regulating our personal lives.

Both of these stories are a question of responsibility. I try to stay consistent to the belief of personal responsibility when there's no mitigating circumstances; for example, I can't control society or its rules, I can only control my reaction and interpretation of them. While I don't know how successful I am in my efforts I try to acknowledge my responsibility in issues and move on from there while also acknowledging the reality of where and how the situation arose.

In other words a lot of people like to blame their parents for how they are today. Your parents and environment certainly do shape the person you've become, however at some point if you wish to function as an adult or as a citizen with privileges you must acknowledge that you're ready to take responsibility for your actions. Just because Mommy was crazy or Daddy neglected you doesn't mean you get off the hook when authorities discover the bodies hidden under your floorboards.

I grew up fat, overweight all my life. I liked eating. I still do. I love food. I need to work on creating new habits to regulate my intake of food; I need to adjust to a new lifestyle. I may have been influences as I grew up by my parents use of food. I think it was a reward as well as a comfort and who knows what other reasons I do it; in the end, I enjoy it, and I enjoy lots of it. So despite the possibility that I was rewarded with food, shown love with food, achieved some comfort from food, there came a time when I needed to realize that I was going to have to change my lifestyle and not live the way I was simply because it was what I knew all my life and was what I was comfortable with. I am now a parent and somehow I don't know how comforting it would be to have a son blaming me for his problems if I'm blaming my parents for...what, giving birth to me? The buck stops when you "man up" and declare that it stops at the last place you have some control. Yourself.

So the next question becomes whether the government has a right to step in and regulate how you live your life. This is complex because in many respects we're so heavily intertwined in our relationships while at the same time we supposedly want the responsibility that comes with our freedoms (okay, we want freedoms, the responsibility part we usually don't want but is part of the package deal). We want government to offer us support and protection; it's a good idea to regulate drinking laws to prevent people from drinking and driving and ramming my car. It's a bad idea for the government to tell me I can't drink a keg of beer sitting on my duff at home all weekend, bothering no one.

The government is stepping in to arrest the mom who "allowed" her teenage kid to become a quarter ton in weight. I think it's her responsibility to make healthy choices known to her kid; but she's also right in saying she can't live his life for him. She can't monitor him 24/7, and believe me, when fat kid wants cake fat kid will find and scarf down chunks of cake. It'll only stop when the kid decides to take responsibility and say, "Nope, not gonna do it." Even in the case of the mom offering all the food and video games to her son (the half-ton son) he could have made up his mind that this needs to be addressed and find help. I'm not saying it's easy.

You'd be an idiot if you have followed my adventures in stapling and other postings about weight issues I've struggled with and think I'm advocating that this is as simple as just shoving the plate away once in awhile. Then again if you cut out empathy and realistic application of the theory, then I suppose it does become that simple.

They are alleging she's neglected him because she didn't get help for him when it was "offered". Of course I don't know the details, but if it's like other help I've seen offered in various forms to various people and agencies over my life, it's not necessarily free help. She said she couldn't afford to get her son the help...if she's working second and third shift jobs, I'm betting she's not financially well off, and the help they're offering is probably psychiatric, or working with a particular gym program, or some special medical or diet plan. I've never found specialized programs that are "cheap." If the government is offering these things for free then hey, yeah, do it. More often than not I've seen the government simply "offer" you things that are mandated as you must pay for it yourself, but still you have to do it and thus basically are being taxed again. The best example I can cite for people to get easy information about this little "mandated tax that isn't a tax" is No Child Left Behind (okay, I think they call them unfunded mandates, but potato, po-tah-to...).

So I don't think the government has the right to arrest Mom for "letting" her 14 year old son snarf down food like a hoover. Additionally it's foolish for them to get involved at this point citing that it's the government's job to be vigilant against cases where parents harm the child's health when the government is making a very healthy load of cash off of various "sin taxes" such as those on big tobacco (and bonuses to the pockets of politicians from the same companies during election campaigns....).

Then there's the slippery slope; very few would argue that a diet of fast food is healthy in the US. In reality...I wonder if you could, eating small quantities of foods (do you really need that double cheeseburger when you can get a plain small cheeseburger?) from fast food joints and not end up in the dire straits of health later on. But that's not entirely relevant when you see that in America that's not how fast food is treated. We overindulge on the whole. So at what point should the government step in for our own sake? Scales installed at the register so if you're over a certain weight you can only order from the "lite" menu? Extra taxes on high-cal foods? There's already legislation efforts creeping around that will mandate certain places have to post calorie information on menus; such rules are already in place in some areas of New York. Maybe the answer to that is that the government steps in when lobbyists don't pony up enough money to have them look the other way.

More and more I see and hear examples of people trying to shove responsibility off on another entity (and more often than not bellyaching when their lack of forethought backfires). If people want to live an unhealthy lifestyle, let them, so long as they aren't hurting other people. The only problem I haven't wrapped my mind around having a reasonable argument against...yet...is the fact that if you're fat, you're not just affecting yourself. I'm not saying this in the "that fat guy took the last slice of pizza" affecting others way, I mean it in the "when that fat guy had a $50,000 operation because of his diabetes brought on by his obesity, my insurance rates are going up too" sort of affecting other people way. I mean it in the "insurance companies are using his weight problem to justify my $10 aspirin" way, and the "my airline ticket costs more because we have more heavy people on board causing issues with fuel prices" sort of argument. See what I mean about relationships causing the issue to be complicated? There's a similar argument wall I run into with seatbelts; why do I need it when if I crash, it would just kill me? The laws are there because of the lobbyists. In part it's because if I survive the resulting legal and medical bills are distributed through insurance and legal and medical entities that then use that to justify passing higher costs to people who weren't involved in the accident or my have the gall to survive the accident.

But at some point the buck has to stop. I'm all for government offering help to people and having programs in place to help. I'm not all for them mandating morality, legislating lifestyle, or making piecemeal of my privacy.

How Long is it Supposed to Hurt?

Here's an interesting question.

For the most part I have healed up since my early April surgery. I have a nice big scar on my tummy but I now have the proper number of orifices in my flesh. I stopped feeling the periodic dizziness and have enough energy to move around for the day as well as now being able to get up out of bed without moving at a turtle's pace while gritting my teeth and having a voice in my head keep urging me to push through excruciating pain in my side or abdomen. In truth these achievements have been checked off my "wellness list" for awhile now.

Except for one thing.

I just sneezed and felt like someone slashed me with a scythe across my belly.

Every @#$% time I sneeze I feel a pain that runs along my waist, horizontal to the ground, strong enough that I squeeze my eyes shut for a few moments to collect my wits back about myself.

I asked my wife how long a Cesarean Section is supposed to hurt. She said, "Six to eight weeks." Hmm...more than that time has passed.

I still feel some discomfort around the scar, but I figured it is because the scar tissue isn't as flexible or pliable as unscarred flesh. but why does sneezing hurt so damn much still? Doesn't matter if I let it fly or try stifling it either. Both ways hurt for about three or four seconds as a brutal pain that explodes at my midline.

Is this just in my head? I can move and breath and get around without problem...so far just sneezing gets me. I'm beginning to wonder what the heck is wrong with me!

Fat is Fat...And I'm Reminded of It

If you follow my stories you probably know that as part of my surgery requirements the insurance company required visits to a psychiatrist. I recently had an appointment that got me to thinking about the state of being "fat".

See, he asked how the weight loss has been going. I told him that I was a little frustrated because for the past four or five days or so I've been plateaued at 232 pounds. He asked how much I lost so far. I told him that I lost about 135 pounds since January, with maybe 50 pounds or so of that since the surgery. My wife said that I was focusing all the time on the plateauing and not considering that I lost 50 pounds in two months or that I've lost 135 pounds since January, which they say is really quite a bit.

I think it goes back to the idea that you have no idea what it's like until you've been there. My entire life has been focused on weight in some way.

I've spent my life worrying about things that normals take for granted. Will this chair hold me? Can I fit in the arms of this chair? Is that creaking of the floor more than just a creak? Seatbelts? You have no idea how annoying modern cars are with that now that there are sensors in the seats to determine and adjust for your weight. Toilet seats are a challenge...will it break? Beds? Staying at other people's homes, riding in their car and staying in hotels can be stressful for these reasons and others that normals just don't have occur to them. Even wondering about clothes...going on a short trip? Better make sure you have all you're going to need, since you can't just run to Walmart to get replacement pants if you stain them over dinner.

And other people know. This was always in the back of my mind...they're thinking rude things but are polite enough not to say it. But you seem almost paranoid knowing that they're thinking these things. My parents bought a furniture set for their dining room not too long ago. Mom found that one of the parts of the wooden chair was loose, then it broke. They took the chair back since it was brand new...the sales guy asked if her son had sat in the chair because they may not cover that. They were angry enough to say that they're never going back to that place again...but this was a sales guy asking this. I would have been shocked if I was actually present when this was said, but I know that if I was there this probably wouldn't have come to light. But it confirms that this is what people are thinking.

But Barry, you've lost all this weight since then!

First, that doesn't make it right. But dealing with issues like anger at how fat people are treated by society is a different topic.

Second...yeah, by the numbers I guess I've lost a significant amount of weight. What I haven't mentioned was that the day my son broke his arm falling off his bike, my wife related a story to me. I was riding my bike around the building. We had gone over in a minivan, and there were other people around, mostly taking advantage of the parking lot and playground for some recreation. My wife wasn't riding bike. At the time she was watching my son on the playground.

I headed out on the bike, riding away from the minivan. She said some young girl...not really a young kid but not an adult either...said out of the blue to my wife that someone at school told her that fat guys always drove minivans.

She said she just sort of nodded her head in a disbelieving, "Um...okay..." gesture. I hadn't known about it at the time. In retrospect it makes me think that while I was enjoying the day (before my son's fall, of course) I was just looking like a fat ignorant fool; as if I have no business being around in public.

This is what the public thinks.

I had lost 100+ pounds. But to people who know absolutely nothing about me, I'm judged anew each time as a lazy, ignorat fatass, the same as I'd be with the extra weight.

These thoughts stay with me constantly. I constantly worry about how much I'm eating now...too much for the pouch? Too many calories? Exercising enough? These clothes seem to fit but the number seems way too low for me...I should be in 58, not 48 pants. Chairs can't possibly fit me or they'll break, despite the fact that I'm having this thought while I'm sitting in the chair in question.

It's hard. It's hard sometimes to convince myself to get out of bed, to leave the house, to face these issues all over again another day. Then I shift from my personal demons to knowing, and in some cases despising, the public because of the way they look at me and I just know what they're thinking, why they're glancing back at me or watching from the corner of their eyes.

So yes, I do focus on the short term. I grow more and more frustrated at my plateaus as I have them. I worry about the surgery failing, that I've screwed it up again, that I've failed again. I can't even think of the significance of what I've supposedly achieved because before all the health concerns I think I was a non-advocate but still follower of the Fat Acceptance movement; I accepted myself just as I was, probably because I didn't see why I should worry about something that at the time looked like I couldn't be successful in fixing.

Part of living nearly a short lifetime with this mindset is that I can't tell weight on myself or other people. I can't estimate other people's weight...I hope that I never witness a crime and have to estimate the perpetrator's stats. I told the therapist that I don't know if he's 70 pounds or 140 pounds. Normals seem to find this surprising. Don't be. I've actively not cared about people's weight because it would be another source of depression or fixation on my own problem with weight. Nowadays I've noticed when other people lose or gain a significant amount of weight, but I don't know how much or even what they currently weigh. That's about it.

Somewhere in me there will always be a fatty. I'll be overweight the way alcoholics are always alcoholics, even if they're sober for years. And part of that is accepting the fact that the fat voice will always be in my mind, will always be urging me to fix a cheese sandwich as a snack or saying that one little brownie probably won't hurt me, and I'm always struggling to make sure that I don't slip from trying to lose weight and keep it off, and there will always be that voice telling me that I can't do it.

And I'm coming to the realization that no one else really understands my particular situation.

It's very lonely. In college we had a saying...college is where you discover that even when surrounded by people you can be totally alone.

Evidence That The New Enterprise Is Truly Huge

I had blogged before with a post that mentioned that the new Enterprise NCC-1701 from the JJ Abrams reboot is supposed to be substantially larger than the previous Enterprise on the Original Series. There was some controversy about that on some message boards (believe it or not).

Today I found proof in print that it is indeed larger. At Barnes and Noble this evening I found an issue of Cinefex (number 118, July 2009), which had an article on the new movie. If you didn't know Cinefex is a magazine dedicated to special effects in films, mostly the digital aspect of it. It had articles on the models used in the movie Moon and and behind the scenes shots of green screen effects inserted into Terminator Salvation, for example, and has advertisments for computer render farms and 3-D body scanners if that tells you the audience the magazine appeals to.

On page 42 (I know, totally coincidental) in the second column embedded in bits from the ILM people it said:
*****
The reconfigured ship was a larger vessel than previous manifestations-approximately 1,200 feet long compared to the 947-foot ship of the original series. "Once we got the ship built and started putting it in environments, it felt too small. The shuttle bay gave us a clear relative scale-shuttlecraft initially appeared much bigger than we imagined-so we bumped up the Enterprise scale, which gave her a grander feel and allowed us to include more detail."
*****

So there you have it. The new Enterprise is indeed larger than previous incarnations.

Weight Loss Status Update

I don't remember when the last time was that I had put in an entry with my progress in weight loss, which usually means it's time to do an update on my weight loss.

This morning the scale said I was at 321 pounds. That was a another reason to do the entry; the weight brought back memories of the old Children's Television Workshop show I used to watch called "321 Contact!".

Well, I thought it was neat.

Anyway, 321 pounds. That means I've lost 55 pounds since the surgery in the beginning of April and overall since I started dieting in earnest 137 pounds (back in January).

My friend never did get back to me after I replied to one of his emails answering a question he had that had nothing to do with weight loss. I'm down 42 pounds since he had originally posed a weight loss challenge (he wanted to lose 30 pounds in the time it would take me to lose 60). I am pretty sure that's his way of backing out of the race. C'mon! If you're going to quit, at least come out and say it, dude! Don't leave me hanging here!

I didn't realize there's actually be two "neat" numbers there forming a pattern. There's the "321" and the challenge weight loss of "42". Anyone have a towel? I always keep mine handy...I suppose the "55", being a common speed limit in the states, could be counted as a part of the triad as well. If I really wanted to stretch it, the 137 could be a little math puzzle, since 1+2 is three, then 3+4 is seven, giving you the beginning of a mathematical pattern of adding squares to the number so my next weight loss number would be 7+16 or 13,723 pounds.

Well, maybe not, but when you deal with binary a lot it's a neat thought.

Momentos of a Time More Lard-Filled

Many people who undergo weight loss surgery often advise keeping a set or two of your "fat clothes" to remind you of how you used to be.

I don't know about keeping the clothes...I have so much crap laying around already that should be tossed out. I still think of myself as fat despite the numbers saying I'm losing weight.

Well...I suppose that at 323 pounds I am fat. Just not quite as fat. "By the book, Admiral." (That's a Star Trek reference, by the way...)

I do have one thing that I used...that I continue to use...and reminds me where I came from. It's an old belt that I bought back at my heaviest. I just measured it and the full length is 80 inches.

I punched another hole in it this morning. Measuring to the newly created hole the length is 47 inches.

So I guess I have my momento and reminder. What would be nice is if I ever were to get small enough that the belt wraps around twice.

Fat Acceptance Movement

Lorraine at The Renewal blog posted an article about finding another blog called The Rotund where the maintainer is an advocate in the Fat Acceptance Movement. She actually (Lorraine, that is) saw the owner of that blog on a segment of Good Morning America.

The Fat Acceptance Movement is all about...well, accepting fat people. I've heard it grumbled before that the obese and smokers are the last two groups in America that it's "okay" to make fun of socially and ostracise. Fat people who smoke can probably cut the tension with a steak knife when they walk into a room.

HA! Get it?

Anyway...yes, the movement. The movement itself is supposed to be about fighting stereotypes and myths and general prejudice against overweight people. Which I suppose is noble.

Part of me is torn on the topic though. While in theory advocating equality and lack of prejudice is a good thing, I think that what goes hand in hand with this is a tacit advocation of the cause and having experienced things from the fat side of the fence I'd have to say that I'm not sure it's a great thing to promote.

The health care industry is already a mess with vultures swooping in to take their share of the pie plus some extra whenever the opportunity arises. Obesity carries increased risk for heart attack, stroke, diabetic complications,...the list goes on and on. Each of these are used by the vultures to help justify their outrageous costs and fees; obese people contribute unevenly to the social system in comparison to the amount they take out for care.

The movement also is anti-diet, saying "dieting doesn't work". I really think that this is a mischaracterization...many diets work. The weight maintenance fails. That's not necessarily a problem with the diet though...it's the attitude that a diet is this temporary thing that once done is completely done, like painting a fence or cleaning the toilet. It's simply not true. You achieve a lower weight by modifying your lifestyle.

But I digress...

Where was I? Oh yes. It's hard to say that I'm against a group that proclaims to support you accepting yourself as you are. There's been a big movement for people doing just that, that body image is an issue for men and women because of unreal stereotypes perpetuated by images in media. But aren't they going to the opposite extreme?

I've been a big advocate for what I call "leaving me the hell alone". It's a system where if I don't unreasonably bother you, you don't have a right to unreasonably bother me. If someone wants to not wear a seatbelt, who are they going to hurt except themselves in an accident?

Unless they live, in which case they impose medical bills that are picked up by shared-risk organizations like the Medicare system or insurance companies.

So what about the super obese? Should we be just left alone without prejudice if we're footing our own medical bills, and then let our bodies fester in disrepair and slowly break down from the added stress our obesity places on the body as long as we're not bothering you?

Part of me says that if it's not bothering anyone else, why is it their business? Leave us alone. We all carry demons. The obese just happen to carry a demon that's visible, probably one among others. I doubt that the normals are without some private demons of their own, and it's simply fashionable to boost their egos at the expense of the overweight.

The other part says that if I have to foot a disproportionate amount of the bill for a guy that lays in a hospital because he ignored twenty years or more of warnings about taking care of himself then I'm a little peeved. It also is the part of me that twitches a little when they...the movement...distorts facts into propaganda by promoting ideas like "diets don't work." It's a half truth. You failed the diet so you instead redefine "fat" as "normal".

I also don't want to give the illusion that I support being overweight because I have been there and can say that there really are a lot of mechanisms in place to rationalize and justify the situation and quite frankly, while they can be a consolation but it only numbs a pain that you're constantly aware of. You're aware of it when you can't fit a seat belt. When that theater seat pinches your cheeks together more tightly than you can pinch them together. When you realize your plate at the buffet has two trips worth of food. When you find yourself second-guessing if the seats in the party hosts' home will buckle under the weight of your ass, or becoming self-conscious of how much you're taking from the dishes compared to other guests. When you're the one that gets volunteered to walk on the ice first to make sure it's safe for the kids or be the anchor for tug-of-war, but you're the last one picked for a game of ball. Unless it's football. When you're fat it's generally assumed by every redneck armchair coach that you "should go out for football because you'd be great at it!"

So you console yourself with things like, "I'm overweight, but my doctor has been surprised because I don't have the complications that people my weight are supposed to have!" I thought I was the only one to use that excuse (many years ago). I was wrong. Looking back I think it's a common delusional belief to make myself feel better for being so morbidly obese, and as with all good things the good health slips away, slowly, chipping away in bits small enough that you don't notice it at first...until you find yourself flipping through a Dummies book on Weight Loss Surgery and wondering how you allowed yourself to get to that point.

I don't know at this point. I haven't dedicated a lot of time to thinking about the topic. What do other people think? Rights of the individual before the rights of the public? Or is this just a splinter group of delusional overweight people trying to make themselves feel better by finding others who have given up trying to feel healthy and redefined themselves to embrace their "unhealthy" state? Or am I totally off base here?

Seeing Others With Obesity and Sharing

I recently bumped into someone I had worked with a few years ago in a local Walmart. He was always overweight as far back as I knew him and I know his immediate family is also overweight, so it could be a habit issue that runs within the family line. I don't know. After a few years not seeing him around I did notice that he looked even heavier now.

He's a young guy, probably five to ten years my junior. Maybe even more.

He's in for a world of hurt if he follows the same path I did. I know it. I suspect he knows it too. But it was never a topic I brought up. It's not my place. I knew that when I was his age I knew I was overweight and at the rational level knew what I was doing to myself to some degree. But the decision to lose weight or take steps to lose weight (and maintain it...there's a difference) are personal. It has to become a conscious decision to change your lifestyle and way of life much in the way Richard Simmons changed his entire life to combating obesity and making it his mission to help others. That mission, made personal, is an obsession that comes to define part of who you are. And it's not easy. It's a big step that usually takes a giant kick in your giant rear to steer you towards trying to achieve.

Or you rationalize it all away in your mind and live with the complications of morbid obesity.

Why do I mention this?

Because I realized that one of the first things my in-skull soundboard noticed was his weight. "Holy crap...I think he's gained more weight." I immediately felt a flurry of guilt for thinking that knowing that is what so many others think when I see me..."Look at tubby!," they think. Women do the opposite of swoon. Children point, gasp, and run away before I eat them. Y'know, the usual fat cracks. These thoughts lasted all of four or five seconds and flowed unbidden but silent as we made some small talk.

I also remembered that after having the bariatric surgery often other people's weight becomes an obsession for members of the WLS community. You end up seeing other obese people and you want to spread the gospel of weight loss surgery, tell them how it helped you and share with them the freedoms and joys you now know with having less weight to carry. It was even outlined in a recent book I reviewed as an emotional change people often experience post-surgery.

I've not really had that happen. I tend to limit most of my sharing about the surgery to the blog and if anyone asks questions I'm more than glad to share with them my experiences. I also chatted some people up about it more than they probably wanted to hear at a recent party but they were drinking more than a few bottles of liquid courage at the time and I doubt I annoyed them too much. At least not when they woke up the next morning. Probably.

However I've heard a few others...such as at support group...where this has obviously manifested as a behavior for them. These were people pretty far down the road from the surgery so it's not one of the impulsive post-op-glee changes like watching The Food Network obsessively like, for example, I did. They have to restrain themselves from running up to other people they feel could benefit from the surgery.

I've worked in technology for a long time. I've found that one of the best things for home users to do in the long run is to get a Mac or use Linux. I make this known sometimes, usually if someone asks for a recommendation. But I've also learned that as crappy as Windows is for security, as detrimental as it can be to users for safety on the Internet, as much of a nightmare troubleshooting it can be...users don't care. It's not their "thing". It's my thing. I enjoy digging into the nuts and bolts of how it works. I enjoy solving the puzzles it poses (sometimes). I am mindful and care about using my computer. Most users do not. It's just a tool. A craftsman loves his tools. Me? A screwdriver makes a great substitute for a hammer when a hammer's not handy.

In other words my passions are not shared by others. And they will be turned off...and associate my interests with negative feelings and biases...if I try shoving them onto others not in a mood to be receptive to my ideas.

Weight loss surgery isn't a mystery to overweight people any more than they aren't oblivious to their weight problem. Their doctors are becoming more aware of telling their patients about the surgical option. Their friends are having it more often than we think, if the ones coming out of the woodwork when I had mine done is any indication. When a person is ready to be receptive to the idea of being slice-n-diced, they'll educate themselves about it or get information from their doctor at first. It's a huge decision that can't be made lightly and carries significant changes for your lifestyle; a post-op can't preach the gospel of WLS as if it were as simple as handing out a pamphlet on the corner and having another person proclaim that they, too, believe. This is put up or shut up; you're gonna have to get cut open and bleed a bit to join the flock.

I think we need to keep this in mind. Actually I think we need to become a lot more mindful of a number of things post-operatively. Our behaviors change. Our interests shift. Our moods, our habits, our need to monitor aspects of our diet, everything. Our perspectives on things change if the surgery is to be success because if they don't, it will fail. The surgery is a tool...one that will change and can be overcome if you don't take advantage of it to change your lifestyle. That's what the surgery really is. A crutch, or stepping stone, to improve your life, to aid you in getting to the next steps needed to improve your life.

This rambling commentary was brought to you by the good folks a Cracka-Cola. Feeding families yummy soft drinks through the use of chemical additives for over 70 years.

Enjoying the Experience

There's a topic that is somewhat hard for me to express to others in an understandable way. It's more of a concept than a topic, something that probably takes one of those "eureka" moments to suddenly "get," like understanding derivatives in math and physics or why DC Comics doesn't hold a candle 90% of the time to Marvel or Dark Horse comics. Except sometimes Batman.

Anyway, it's the idea of the feeling the end user gets from your product or service. Whether it's the experience you get from eating at Red Lobster or how a user feels about your wonderful computer application, too often the customer's...or user's...opinions are dismissed because the proprietor feels they are ignorant and ill-informed.

Many times we are. Can't dispute that.

I've never run a restaurant. I read about it. I've considered it. And as you already know I've been obsessed with various cooking shows and such...I'm probably better informed than the average person about certain aspects of what it takes to run a restaurant, but I have never been under the gun and managed a kitchen or cafeteria like some family and friends have.

Does this mean that my opinion is invalid if I loved or hated a dining experience but lack the refined palate of a chef or the management skills of a head cook or kitchen manager?

If my money is flowing into your pocket, no. My opinion does matter. If my opinion is flowing from my big mouth to my relatives' and friends' ears, my opinion sure as heck matters.

What difficulties you run into managing inventory and inspections and training your cooks and fighting waitstaff turnover isn't my problem. My experience matters. And it matters to your bottom line, Mister Restaurant Owner (and to your waitstaff's tips, too, although some studies find that there is contrary behavior to expectation in this regard).

So the view from the outside is very much what your goal, as a proprietor of any service business or vendor of a product, should be to deliver the best experience possible to the consumer without the consumer having to care about how much trouble you go through to deliver it. You work hard so I don't have to think about it.

Why am I bringing this up?

There is a reason, believe it or not. That reason ties loosely to another post I'll make tomorrow. But there's a bigger reason and that is that it offers perhaps a different perspective to you, whether you're a consumer or a person who delivers a product or service to others.

I've had to ride a few school buses in my time both as a student and as a person who has had to share the road with them. I've never driven one before, though. Nor have I worked with a company that works as a subcontractor for the task. But I can say that the personality of buses flows from the driver; how tolerant they are of certain behaviors, how much time I had to sit there, how clean or filthy he kept his bus and my impressions from how the bus was maintained. As a driver on the road with them I utterly despise having to stop what seems like every 20 feet at each driveway for kids when I was used to having to walk or ride to a bus stop so we all congregated like sheep to wait for the bus en mass. And the blinking blue light...AGH! I've almost run into a bus because I've become transfixed by that flashing monstrosity on top of the bus. But despite those negatives there are some drivers who try to go out of their way...and alleviate my misgivings for these negative associations...by doing some simple things like pulling over at the first opportunity to let pent-up drivers congested behind the bus pass and continue on to work. Others do not. So not all bus drivers create equal experiences. Can you kind of see what I mean?

Or take my unwillingness to go to Burger King. Our local BK seemed to screw up our order at least three out of five times. Even simple things like giving me a diet soda was a challenge for their employees. Once these negative biases were rooted in my psyche I began seeing (and thus reinforcing) other issues...their employees at our local restaurant seemed disinterested in their jobs, not caring so much about serving the customer. They sported more tatoos and piercings than average. The uniforms were rarely unstained from grease, let alone nicely presented or tucked in; they looked like they were at the counter fresh from a backyard wrestling match. This made me doubt even more in the quality of their products...or the sanitation of their cooking and dining areas...so I simply declared that given the choice I'm not going there anymore.

Our local McDonald's was different. They get orders mixed up once in awhile but not enough that I have come to expect my order messed up when I go. Sometimes there's a wait...but not much of one. The guy that handles the general maintenance and gruntwork around the store sports a tattoo or three, but he's never short of a friendly wave and a greeting for my son as we go in or drive by. I know the managers have a few small tattoos as well, but usually they're covered up or discrete. I see them cleaning around the store. I leave with a good feeling from the experience, one that a customer is supposed to have when leaving a service establishment. And it's a shame because BK has a menu with things I used to be more interested in. The quality (granted, quality of food itself isn't a strength for most fast food chains) of the experience is usually pretty good. My daughter works there so I get a little of the background on some issues, but not much...she's a teenager. She's lucky to pay attention to anything that doesn't directly affect her. But that's aside from the point...the point is that I know some of the things that go on there and I know they're not perfect and I readily acknowledge that. But the experience overall is a good one.

I hope some of the concept is communicated from this posting. There are things that can be improved dramatically by keeping in mind the experience you want to deliver to your customer or end user but you have to have that mindset in order to have success with it. You have to try to put yourself in the place of your "customer" be it an actual customer to your business, a customer using your product, or even students riding your bus and ask yourself how they're going to feel after experiencing what you have to offer, how you're going to influence their day in some way and how they're going to associate different feelings with your product (or service). Too often too many people lose sight of this or even lose sight of the fact that even if they feel like they're a cog in a bigger faceless machine it only takes one broken tooth on that cog to make things not run correctly...you affect other people and have a place in the business.

I know, it sounds like smoke up your butt. But it is true.

Your superiors have the responsibility up the chain to remember this idea in managing you. You have the responsibility to pass it on down the chain to coworkers and subordinates. I've found this to be a huge factor in how certain buildings, businesses and institutions aquire certain "personalities", by taking a lead from their top manager or boss. The attitude is passed on down the chain, and thus affects end-user experience.

Tune in for another part to this to see how this post hopefully loosely ties with the followup.

Change in Fashion

For quite awhile...since the surgery...I've been wearing elastic-based pants and shorts. Stretch pants, elastic boxers, things of that sort. It was comfortable over the incision mark (and for many months, as I've whined here, it was covering and helping put some (but not a lot) of pressure on bandages covering the incision.

Now that the incision is externally healed (mostly) I have been trying to wear actual belt-holding legwear.

My old belt isn't fitting quite right. I finally dug out my old leather punch to fix that. I suppose that's one bit of good news.

I have noticed, though, that I'm still sore. I think the stiff, unforgiving belt over the general area that is probably healing internally is not sitting well overall with the scar tissue. It isn't painful so much as it is annoying and distracting. By the end of the day I look forward into putting on elastic sleepy pants. It's a bit of a dilemma; I can loosen the belt and my shorts will fall down as soon as I put my (regrettably light) wallet in the pocket, or I can keep them tight and push through the soreness. Unfortunately I still need to make them tighter because right now the belt is just tight enough to keep them up, but adding keys to my wallet and phone and talking a little way gives me that "oh dear I think I'm about to expose my behind" feeling. How do teenagers stand that?

So things continue to get better even though there are times where I encounter another obstacle to push through and I suppose the options are to either lay in bed or get up and slog through them once again. Seeing as my computer isn't near the bed you can probably guess which one I've resigned myself to.

A Different Kind of Cheese...From Yogurt

I don't remember where I initially heard about this, but I looked it up on the Internet to verify that you can do this and I did indeed find corroborating information. You can make a "cheese" from yogurt using nothing more than a strainer and a bowl.

I found two quick tidbits of information on it here on the Hillbilly Housewife website and here on a Food Network recipe site with Alton Brown (have I mentioned I like watching Good Eats?).

So I decided to try it. I picked up a container of plain fat-free yogurt at Wegman's last night and a bit of cheese cloth, stuck it into a strainer over a plastic bowl and left it in the fridge overnight. Quite a bit of Whey dripped out by morning. I dumped it into a plastic container and took a small sample out (a spoonful) and because I had found information that said you could mix it with other things to have it "take on" the flavor of other foods, I put in a little peanut butter and mixed the samples.

It turned into something like a peanut butter cream cheese.

So basically it's a nice way to get calcium and some protein, some decent flavor, and at a low cost (since I'm using a generic Wegman's brand yogurt and peanut butter from the ginormous quantities of multi-pound packages from Sam's Club). I'm toying with the idea of using it in one of my wraps as a substitute for plain American 2% cheese.

There is still a distinct yogurt flavor, in my opinion. I didn't find it unpleasant but it did make me think of using it as a dessert-type food more than an entree, but when you're eating less than 8 ounces of food a meal your dessert will become your entree. So maybe I'll try making a "dessert wrap" for a meal sometime!

Anyway it was a novel thing to try and dead simple to do. Go grab a tub of yogurt and try your hand at making yogurt cheese...you can spread on crackers, bagels, mix it up with some herbs to flavor it as a complement to an entree, or as a base for dips or substitute for sour cream in some recipes. And it's probably healthier than some actual cream cheeses. Give it a spin and see what you think. I'd love to hear from people who try it out and feel like firing some feedback in the comments section!

Progress Since Surgery...

A lot has changed since my initial surgery. I know it's been only a little over two months since the big event but it seems as if things are starting to level out a little, or at least get into a groove.

Right now I'm exercising on a recumbent stationary bike a lot more. It's nicer weather out, but I've been more consistent with the stationary bike and can track miles, calories, etc. more easily. Maybe I should look at getting a new stationary bike more than a new recumbent outdoor bike...probably costs about the same. The one I have now though hurts my butt after half an hour.

I've noticed that my butt hurts more after sitting anyway. Feels almost like I'm sitting on bone despite knowing I have plenty of padding there. What's up with that??

My wound in the incision area looks to be closed up; I can carry weight and move around better. I still feel tenderness there and have a weird grinding sensation if I move wrong. I try not to worry about it.

I'm taking 9 pills in the morning and 2 at night. Most are supplements for diet. Some are prescription. I'm hoping to find a way to cut down on those in coming months.

I can buckle a seatbelt and fit into the shower. You skinny normals take that for granted.

I'm probably going to need a trip to the thrift shop or salvation army soon to see if they have some pants that won't fall down when I put my wallet and keys in the pocket.

I don't watch the food network obsessively like I did directly after the surgery. I think part of that was the fascination I developed with the weird sensation of hunger divorced from eating. It's hard to describe unless you feel it, which you wouldn't unless you had the surgery. I don't recommend having the surgery just to feel that way though.

I'm feeling...strange at times. It's difficult to cope with some of the emotional changes. I feel very tired at times. I have moments of depression, unexplained sadness. I resent people for reasons I can't fully understand, angry at them if I feel I'm treated differently because I'm the same as I was when rotund but suddenly losing weight makes me more..."normal" to them? I feel as if I'm wearing a disguise now. Being fat gave you a different identity, losing weight has people seeing you as a different person. But I'm not. Now I hate you for treating me that way. You wouldn't believe some of the cursing that goes through my inner dialog when I see this or...sometimes...I project it onto perfect strangers for just looking at me in a particular way. Weird.

I am fascinated by the weird sinews and ropes slithering under my skin on my arms. I guess I'm just seeing more muscle that was hiding under the fat layers. Sometimes it freaks me out. It just doesn't look right, like I'm looking at someone else's body but I'm controlling it. Other times I'm feeling hopeless from the developing batwings, as if I'm melting slowly with flesh-colored sludge under my arms and my gut. Some tell me it's a good sign and I should be happy. Instead I feel like a basset hound.

I'm...alien. I'm in a body that's not mine. It really bothers me...before I avoided mirrors because I was the Human Juggernaut, an obese freak with stretch marks. Then I avoided them because I had holes and freakish purple bruises around the incision was lined with metal staples tugging at the skin. I was deathly afraid I'd sneeze and my intestines would spew straight out and honk like a party favor. Now I'm avoiding mirrors because I'm melting, a skeleton trapped in an oversized flesh bag that swings and wobbles of it's own accord. I feel like the same person but I don't look like the person I'm used to being.

I have more people asking how I'm doing and how my progress has been. I feel bad because I rarely remember the statistics, and I'm never quite sure what to say other than thank-you. My life is currently focused largely on food...measuring it, watching it, studying more about nutrition...and I know it drives my wife nuts at times. She has no idea how much it drives me nuts. But I'm an Asperger boy...the drive, the need for pattern, for understanding, it's something that both keeps me on track and drives me to agitation.

My meals at this point, over two months out, are usually limited to 6 ounces at most. I measure it out on a kitchen scale when I pack them. I chew carefully, swallow, and as long as it doesn't hurt or feel uncomfortable I'm guessing I'm doing okay. I measure the six ounces out because that means that I won't go over that. I always placed a limit on 8, I've trimmed it to 6, and today my meals for breakfast and lunch are around 5.5 ounces, and if I feel any urge that I'm full or done I throw away the leftovers. Again these meals haven't been causing pains or problems, and from my understanding I'm okay with this setup unless the dietitian yells at me. I also have some peanuts, not a lot of course, usually before exercising on the bike. Just a few in the hand and chewed until almost peanut butter in my mouth.

I guess a lot of people eat until they feel pain or are full and use that as an indicator of how much they can eat. I'm trying to measure it out and limit my intake, period, so that even if I could eat more I don't. I'm hoping this works. I appear to be losing weight still so...take it as you will. I don't usually feel hungry after the meal. I guess it's so far so good.

Gatherings can be tough to deal with. I was just at a dinner where everyone else had big plates of pasta and meat and gravy, a bowl of salad, rolls...my plate was quite sparse in comparison. I felt like the little model that eats a bird's helping of grass and says, "Oh, no, thank you...I'm full." I was quiet obviously not fitting in. But here I suppose my introverted nature is a plus in my favor. I don't fit in but I don't rely on social situations quite as much as most other people rely on them for validation of themselves, so I was sad to feel so isolated but at the same time it wasn't a crushing blow to my ego. Just something to deal with and move on, I suppose.

So that's my progress at this point. It's been one heckuva ride...I guess it's not over yet, though.

Holes in Me Tummy

One last note on my gaping wound in my stomach...I think it's safe to declare that it's closed up now.

It has some nasty looking scar tissue and it's definitely still healing...sneezing hurts...and I feel this weird crunch when moving in a certain way or picking heavier things up but I no longer see an opening and don't notice any "leakage" of fluids. I'm hoping my next followup will mean I can take baths and sit in a pool!

To be honest it's probably been closed up for a few days now. I just have difficulty in bringing myself to look at it, let alone poke lightly to see if it's really closed or has some goo covering it. I had that before at one point...I'd lightly dab with a cloth to clean dried blood and crud from the wound which looked mostly closed only to find a thin layer of...something...which would promptly start bleeding. The doctor I went to said, "um...don't do that."

So I avoid doing that.

But right now I'm going around without a bandage over the wound. Touching the scar tissue is uncomfortable still and I have the pains I already mentioned. But progress is progress!

"Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim."

Progress for June 9th

I just realized that it's been awhile since I posted my weight progress.

Man...seems to be happening so slowly. And remember my friend that gave me a challenge to lose 60 pounds before he lost 30? I haven't heard anything more from him since then...I'm assuming he has bowed out of that race.

Anyway, I pulled up my spreadsheet and looked at the numbers.

Starting weight (January 5th): 458 lbs
Weight when having surgery (April 7th): approximately 376 lbs
Current weight (June 9th): 328.5 lbs

Meaning:
Weight loss since surgery: 47.5 lbs
Weight loss since starting to diet: 129.5 lbs

Still...seems to be happening so slowly! I wonder if this is considered "normal"?

Bicycling Choices for Health, Recumbent Style

I've been thinking about this a lot.

I've mentioned previously that because of my own need for routine and pattern, I despise exercise. Something always seems to happen to break up the routine and it's hard for me to stick with something that has "breaks".

I liked biking a bit...I'm too out of shape and not too confident in myself to ride on the roads because I'm fairly confident that sooner or later I'm going to get hit by a car or attacked by a bear. Yes, I said biking, not hiking. It's a long story.

Anyway I've been trying to ride my new Diamondback Edgewood and have become frustrated by the lack of paved, relatively well-laid-out trails on which to ride...I'm a novice, cut some slack!...plus my son is four. I can't just go off riding without the little guy or abandon him while Daddy goes for a tour around a lake. At the moment his arm is in a cast so it's a little hard to give him even the option of riding around a playground. Finances are limited, so it's taking time to get a bike rack, let alone a cart to hitch up so I can pull the little dude with me (if hills are hard now, they'll be impossible with his 50lb+ weight behind me...) So what options are there?

The alternative I've been using is riding a rather old stationary recumbent in my basement. It's very basic, powered by AA batteries for the display, and it gets me to work up a sweat. I've ridden it five miles and four miles and four miles...takes twenty to thirty minutes. Not too bad, I think. While it's more comfortable than my Edgewood (SADDLE BUTT HURTS!), it does get sore still and the scenery is...well...it's an unfinished basement.

I've been emailing a guy near Hornell, NY, the Bicycle Man, asking what he would advise for biking options in the way of recumbents. He sent me information on this really sweet ride called the Sun EZ-3 USX HD, which from what I can tell has a 400lb capacity and said that an electric assist for hills installed could be done. WOW! It looks nice, I'd love to try it...I mean I'm drooling to try it. But the pricetag? $1,350. The installed assist is another $500.

Ouch.

I know, I know...for a really "good" bike, you'd easily pay that much. I have friends who race bikes and that kind of price is almost a shrug-off. But for my new Diamondback my wife paid around $350, and that price was enough for me to ask her about five times, "Are you sure? Are you sure you want to do that?" I'm a novice. I'm looking for fun exercise that I could try sticking with. $350 gives me pause. Nearly two thousand dollars for bike and accessories...that is our family vacation and more. We already cancelled a trip we were considering to the Mall of America this summer because we just didn't have the $1500 to spend on the trip. If we could swing it I'd love to do it. Practically speaking we'll probably have to consider it next Summer.

I tell myself to just wait awhile, see if I still keep wanting the recumbent. I still want to go the two hour trip and take a look at the trike (technically this particular recumbent is a tricycle). I'd love to take it for a spin, see if it's worth all that I'm reading and see if I could use it on hills or even attach a cart for my little guy to ride in with me thanks to the assist.

But...ouch.

I try looking at the pluses and minuses. With our climate, riding year-round probably isn't an option. Our riding locations are limited. Transporting the thing is probably quite a challenge. Bikes take maintenance, periodic repair and replacement of chain/sprockets/brakes, adjustment to wires. My previous bike had more replacement parts than original although it could have been a "cheap bike"; I don't know enough about the field to tell a piece of crap from a solid quality model. I can't even climb mediocre hills and most of this area? Hills. But I love nice days where the wind hits you as you ride and you hear the insects and birds. I like the idea of stopping and unpacking a picnic lunch, or riding a few miles powered by a tortilla instead of gas. Unless there's beans in the wrap. Then I guess you're power by gas instead of petroleum. It just feels better. I picture a day when I might actually be fit enough to commute in town or stop at one location and ride to a few places for errands.

Indoors on the stationary I don't worry about weather. The scenery sucks, but I won't get hit by a car and I am able to watch videos or web browse from my iPod while riding. I just need to pedal. The onboard display gives me approximate calorie output and distance...I know you can get bike computers put on your bike, I have one, I just haven't figured out how to get it all set up yet. My stationary has taken zilch maintenance aside from a battery change. That thing sat for years unused and when I hopped back on it the display popped right up ready to go. My old bike? Rusted wheels. I could feel that it needs a tuneup or cleaning of some kind. Probably lube the chain. Stationaries are all weather and pretty reliable and more routine-friendly.

Should I keep hoping someday to try the trike? Should I save pennies and go for a new stationary recumbent? Or just dump the whole idea, be glad I have what I have now, and just try focusing on going on a vacation in the far future?

Maybe this lotto ticket will be my ticket to a new 'trike, stationary, AND vacation...c'mon...

Do Insurance Companies Have Any Sense?

I love this.

The insurance company sent another of those "This Is Not a Bill" forms that are basically a warning of what benefits are or aren't being properly paid for. This one says the hospital will be charging me five thousand dollars.

Huh?

A lot of people who have this surgery are self-funded. Many others...no chance Hades can they afford it. I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of people who self-fund the surgery can't really afford it but do it anyway, hoping they will survive long enough to pay the hospitals and doctors back. More insurance companies are starting to cover the surgery because apparently the people that can understand their own complicated paperwork system and stackloads of billing procedures somehow figured out that the money spent on paying for complications from obesity is less than paying for weight loss surgery among their insured clients, on average.

Did I say they understand their own complicated paperwork system? Ha!

Where was I? Oh, yeah. Insurance covers the surgery more often now. I belong to an insurance company group that now covers, with pre-approval and a checklist of hoops to jump through, bariatric surgery.

But what I save in money is killing me in aggravations. They've screwed up paying for pscyhotherapy, which they mandated I undergo. They nearly turned down approval for the therapy because I wasn't getting psychotherapy...days after they sent a "this is not a bill" telling me they just paid the therapist. That's just two screwups along the way...

...Now they're telling me I owe five grand.

My copay is two thousand dollars. I tried paying that to the hospital...a month later I got a check in the mail for two grand. Huh?

I called the hospital, they said the insurance company paid them. I called the insurance company, they told me they paid the hospital. But they didn't pay the surgeon yet. They're separate? I always assumed doctors kind of work in the hospital, but...um...no?

They told me to wait until the surgeon's billing goes through. This was about a month after the operation...isn't getting paid the kind of thing people put their paperwork in relatively soon after making sure their patient survived the procedure(s)?

So another month later...I get billed for five grand. I think there's a discrepancy.

And because it happened to arrive on a Saturday, I have to wait until Monday to get any of it sorted out. Again.

How is it that we have technology that allows the police to track your whereabouts, including an approximate speed you're traveling, if you have a cellphone...police can track down where you last used your credit cards...the military has satellites that can take photos that can identify, roughly, make and models of cars...but your insurance company to whom you give so much information can't seem to figure out that they paid for XYZ prerequisites, okayed a procedure that will require ABC bills, but then forget that they even okayed the procedure in the first place?

Isn't that a sign that, as a business, you are kind of screwed up?

Hospitals are trying to cut back on some of their redundant paperwork through computerization. Poorly implemented, this can be a nightmare, and I don't know what it's like "on the inside" for doctors in the hospitals I have to work with. But from the patient point of view, the customer point of view, it makes a little more sense now when I'm ordered to have labs performed that instead of getting a piece of paper and walking down the hall to hand it off to a tech I simply walk to the lab and give my name and doctor who ordered the tests and they punch it up on the computer system. Handy, huh?

Insurance companies have the power to bankrupt us, as do hospitals. It's funny that when they want to get paid you better pay up or it's implied that a large man named Guido will be paying you a visit sporting a large baseball bat and shiny sunglasses. But when THEY screw up, what recourse do you have but to hope they don't order a colonoscopy as punishment?

Thanks to various government rules corporations are treated as if they were people. I have to wonder...because of the view, would insurance companies ever have to have colonoscopies?

The Emotional First Aid Kit

I just finished the book The Emotional First + Aid Kit: A Practical Guide to Life After Bariatric Surgery by Cynthia L. Alexander, PsyD (Yes, the book has the plus sign, but Amazon lists it without...look at the cover shot from the link!)

It's a great guide for people who are considering bariatric surgery or are nearing the time for their surgery. It isn't anything I'd consider breakthrough; it's more of a personal coach to reiterate what your surgeons and support group will tell you about the surgery and life changes that go hand in hand with the surgery. It has several small case studies and tips sprinkled in text boxes throughout and many large-print repeats of sound bytes for inspiration and memorization. The book also has several exercises to follow, such as writing a pros and cons grid if you're on the fence about having the surgery.

The book explores the decision to have surgery, self-talk about the surgery and your weight, a plan to handle yourself in different situations after the surgery such as family dinners, and beginning a consistent exercise program and how relationships can change post-operatively (or post-weight change). There are also chapters dealing with depression and how the patient and other people react to the weight loss, as well as handling relapses and how to affect a change in behaviors and habits, as those will help or hinder your weight loss and weight maintenance success (the book differentiates between weight loss and weight maintenance, as many people are successful at weight loss...they just go "off" their diet and regain the excess weight.

At approximately 163 pages the book is a relatively quick read and is a good refresher of the information that patients should have received, but may not have or may not have listened to, as they went through the process of having the surgery. I recommend it to anyone about to go through the process as there aren't too many guides like this out there tailored specifically to bariatric patients.

Edit: The book does not cover information on addiction transfer, a phenomena I recently blogged about; I am beginning to suspect that this area of study is only recently gaining attention as a phenomena for bariatric patients...but still the book does contain useful information for anyone undergoing the surgery. Perhaps someday an updated edition could be released...I wonder if I could contact the author and find out?

Health-Related Debt and Bankruptcy

Here's a disturbing story. It states that medical bills contribute to 60% of declared bankruptcies in 2007. It's a scary trend.

Wanna know what's even scarier?

Of those bankruptcies, 75% had health insurance, but the bills still overwhelmed them.

This isn't saying that the medical bills alone were the cause of the bankruptcy but they significantly contributed to the problem.

There are other scary findings in the study; things like the number of insurance companies that drop clients right after one disabling health problem because they're too expensive (one quarter of insurers), and even more within a year (another quarter).

It's sad...I'll never be able to think of those $10 Tylenol pills I received during my stay in the hospital and not think about how overpriced medical care is. I always sit and wonder about what kind of braintrust came up with the game where hospitals charge three times more for various services knowing that your insurance company will only pay a fraction of the bill, giving hospitals more reason to exaggerate their bills even more in some kind of brainless monetary arms race. It's ridiculous and absurd and frankly I'd like to think if it weren't for the powerful lobbies people would be angry enough to have done something about such a situation.

Maybe we should contact our representatives who are supposedly in Washington working for us to let them know how absurd this is...

Weight Loss Surgery...Without Scars?

Good Morning America had a bit on this morning about a weight loss surgery that, within a couple years, may replace some of the bariatric procedure options we have now.

Kosmix is our friend; I found this CNN article that discusses using "natural orifices" for surgery. In other words, they create a mini-pouch in your stomach by lowering a flexible stapler and tools through your throat. You wake up with a sore throat. Usually you can go back to work soon after waking.

The CNN bit discusses natural orifice surgery in general more than the bariatric aspect...I'll admit that I got a little squeamish seeing that doctors are removing gall bladders through vaginas. I didn't know what to think when it said that for men the penis was considered as an orifice through which to operate on internal organs but the point of entry was too small...what are they implying?

At any rate, the bariatric surgery was said to lose less weight than current Roux-En-Y surgery, probably because it lacks the malabsorbtion aspect of removing part of your intestine. This is far more like (and has similar success rates to) lap-band procedures since it's just restricting your food intake with a smaller food pouch. Since it does involve stapling and cutting, I guess it's like the Roux without En Y...

Economic Woes Make Us Fat?

I thought this article on Newsweek was interesting...according to the article there has been a jump in obesity statistics since the economy went into the toilet.

There's speculation that the economic problems in the US have contributed to a number of factors that are pushing borderline obese people into the danger zone; stress over possibly losing a job, stress from losing a job, prices rising out of the affordability range on healthier foods, people turning to comfort foods more often instead of healthier food choices among others.

The article briefly mentions some of the government attempts by government to encourage healthier alternatives. To be honest, I don't know how much of a help what they're offering would be. From what I can tell we are an obese society because, in large part, it's socially acceptable to overeat and indulge ourselves. We take cues from others around us and it is tacitly accepted that while being fat is bad and it's socially okay to ridicule fat people it's also not unusual to see people snarfing down two burgers at a fast food joint and restaurants are almost punished if they don't have huge portions for their patrons...diners feel cheated if they don't. So huge portions creep into private lives and become the new standard in our food intake.

So that would imply that becoming fat is one of the side effects of having a "free" economy. We want it, we pay for it, we think we're entitled to it, and in an insidious way this implies that we are somehow subconsciously wired to overindulge once we're given the opportunity and indulgence is given a social nod by those around us.

But maybe that's just my view. Feel free to comment on it...

Addiction Transfer

I first learned of the name for this phenomena at last night's support group meeting, but there doesn't seem to be a lot of information about it. Maybe because it's a fairly simple concept.

Basically, for weight loss surgery patients, it means that you substitute your addiction to food with another addiction.

The underlying cause is probably the same as the reason the surgery "fails" for some WLS patients. You didn't treat the reason you're fat. It's a head game. The patient was fat because they were medicating their underlying problem...depression, stress, anxiety, abuse, addictive personality, whatever the underlying issue is...and weight loss surgery helps give them a tool to treat the symptom, obesity, but the patient neglects to get treatment for the underlying issue along with the physical ailment WLS helps.

So as you lose weight you discover that your post-surgical digestive system makes one glass of wine feel like ten. Woo hoo! Soon you're no longer feeling (depressed, stressed, etc.) because a couple glasses of alcohol makes the world feel wonderful. Congratulations. You're no longer a food addict. You're an alcoholic. This is what happened to Carnie Wilson two years after weight loss surgery.

Other people turn to having affairs, becoming sex addict. Others run to shopping addiction. Or gambling addiction.

Weight loss surgery is a way to rip off the cover off an underlying problem. The next step for the patient is to decide if they want to cover it up with another form of security blanket or deal with the issues exposed.

I found a few sites discussing addiction transfer, but they were all basicallygiving the same information. Well, I take that back. There were two flavors. The first was taking the stance that you need to deal with your underlying issues and probably really really need to seek therapy...sites like InteliHealth, LocateADoc, and Psychcentral.

The second flavor is from the WLS naysayers, people who advocate that you can heal just about anything with herbs and chiropractic care and wellness coaching and overall positive feelings and support. For some people this may work...but in my experiences, this is another form of head games. But if it works for you, hey, run with it. Sites like Ezinearticles.com and NaturalNews basically hold the view that if you just figured out why the person is fat and fix that, they'd lose the weight naturally and in a healthy way, while weight loss surgery maims you for life and is pushed on you by "clueless" conventional medicine advocates looking for easy fixes.

This kind of neglects the fact that, A) if you've reached the point of actually needing the surgery, you're probably on borrowed time...blood pressure, diabetes, etc. are taking a toll on your body every day. And B) you've damaged your stomach. I think people seem to think like the people that are telling me my "batwings" can be fixed by just exercising more. I've already had a surgeon tell me that the connective tissue in the skin is damaged. It can be toned some, it can improve some, but it won't be fixed without cutting off the excess. Similarly, the stomach is stretched out. This means the obese, or formerly obese person, will always have hunger issues and hormone issues (yes, the chemicals that influence hunger are related to your stomach size and "fullness"). Weight loss surgery helps fix it by making the pouch smaller.

But this is off the topic. The point is that in order to fight addiction transfer patients looking at WLS or even non-patients that are just trying to fight obesity issues should probably focus on why they're turning to food for comfort. Seek therapy. Seek intervention. Seek anything but that delicious creamy filling behind the Duncan Donuts counter.

Mmm...donuts....

Bariatric Support Groups

I went to my first Bariatric Surgery support group meeting tonight.

It wasn't a huge group...I think...honestly, this was my first time attending one so I don't know if it was large or not. There were about 20 people total, including my wife and I and the social worker and nurse.

There wasn't really a set agenda; primarily people talked about whatever came up. There were perhaps two pre-ops, and maybe two (including me) who were "newbies" of only a month or two out of surgery, and everyone else it seemed was a year or more out. One woman had lost nearly 300 lbs and was...what, five years out?

I don't know yet if the support group environment is quite for me. I learned some interesting information, like how other people had various forms of addiction transfer, and how to get a discount on a magazine dedicated to living with weight loss surgery. It was nice to hear that there were other people working with some of the issues I've had.

But at the same time there is a definite disparity between genders. Out of the 20 or so people there, I think there were two males that had surgery (including me), one that was just starting the process and considering surgery, and I think two other guys there for support for a significant other.

This makes me wonder if the sharing mentality is more of a feminine trait, that women tend to be more comfortable sharing and talking about issues while guys are more likely to keep it quiet or keep it to themselves. The guy looking at having the surgery was looking more for the male perspective...I'm afraid that he'll have some trouble finding it because to be honest most guys seem to not talk about it unless questioned. Thinking back, it was mostly women who told me they were post-op. I know of one guy that had the surgery when I did and I saw him at a couple followup appointments, I know of one guy who died from the surgery...and now I've met one other at the support group meeting tonight. And, of course, there's one male person I know is following the blog and I've exchanged a few messages with him, but I've never met him in person.

Is it possible that there are fewer males having the surgery? Or is it just that women are more into sharing their experiences with each other while guys just sort of shuffle off to deal with their issues themselves?

I currently have the next meeting on my schedule, so while I don't know if this was the best thing for me I also am not ready to write support groups off. After all, this was just a first meeting. It's very possible that it would take a few meetings to figure out if there's a niche for me there or not. There are definitely worse ways to spend two hours.

Anyone else out there wanting to share how useful meetings have been for them, or why they do or don't go to them?

Lose Weight, Keep It Off: A Diet that Works

I saw a quick blurb on a fitness site's forum where people were posting about a Canadian weight-loss company called Herbal Magic. Many of the posts were complaints that it didn't work and they were frauds; others defended it. Big surprise.

I was surprised at some of the information I saw there...they were paying a thousand dollars to join and hundreds of dollars a month for herbal pills, and you're supposed to take some combination of pills at a certain time before the meals while sticking to a strict meal plan.

"I lost XYZ pounds, but lost my friends because I couldn't go out to eat or socialize! It's too strict!"
"I had problems with my health because of the pills..."
"I lost XYZ pounds and gained it back just eating a little at a restaurant!"

Do people ever research things anymore? When will the public wise up about dieting? I'm no expert and I definitely don't have all the answers, but I think it's not hard to see a pattern if you look into the subject long enough...

Weight Watchers: you're put on a point system. You can have a certain number of points, after that you're done for the day. Seems successful for the majority of the people who stick to the plan.
Deal-a-Meal: remember this one? You have cards in a wallet that correspond to food group servings. You have a certain number of servings for the day, when the cards are used up, you're done.
Low-Carb Diets like Atkins and The Zone: you cut refined carbohydrates from your diets. Avoid breads, pastas, etc...
Subscription diets like Jenny Craig: a company ships you for a fee a box of little meals you're allowed to eat. You limit yourself to eating these controlled portions and you lose weight.
Cut It Out Diet like the No Flour No Sugar Diet: You don't eat a certain ingredient; cut out all refined flour and sugar, for example. Some of these are less "fad" than others...this particular one was Dr. Gott's invention and was on the bestseller's list for awhile. Other variations have you exclude just sugars or whatever's a popular fad at the time.
Eat These Pills To Solve Your Problem: You see these ALL THE TIME. Herbals that are magical. Pills that claim to be your Alli in fighting weight gain. Magic bullets that someone in their garage somehow discovered and bring to you via spam or low-cost TV ads while these mega corporations are (take your pick) hiding the secrets from you or unwilling to make billions off selling a magic pill to solve your issues. Some of these are little more than bunk, from what I can find...others are low-dose versions of prescriptions. Alli in particular is xenocal. It's a fat blocker. All of these just happen to come with a weight-loss plan that you're supposed to follow in order to be successful (you have to exercise and eat right AND take my magic problem solving pill? Oh, c'mon!!)
Weight Loss Surgery: this makes your stomach smaller so you feel full sooner, and you're required to change your eating habits so you have smaller portions or risk crapping yourself, excessive pain, or vomiting all over in front of guests. And you need to exercise.
Diet Journals: nutritionists are big fans of this one. It's documented that dieters that are successful in keeping weight off in the long run often are using food diaries to keep track of just how much they're eating...and they're often surprised just how much crap they're ingesting in the first place.

The list goes on, but let's look at the common denominators.

These all, in order to be successful (unless you're talking about a true ripoff diet plan) are requiring you to eat less...whether they put it in different terms (avoid carbs! Avoid breads! Avoid...) or come out and say it (your doctor never told you about portion control?). This is called portion control.

Second, diets are not diets. They're lifestyles. You can't just lose fifty pounds and go back to what you were doing before then get a free card to complain because...surprise!...you regained fifty pounds.

No matter how these diets are selling themselves you only lose weight if you take in fewer calories than the body uses. Some of these are tools to help people keep track of what they're doing (Weight Watchers)...others are tools that aid in repairing damage to your digestive system so you can try transitioning to a better lifestyle (weight loss surgery). They all fail if you fail to make the transition to a new lifestyle.

Stop looking for a magic bullet.

And definitely don't pay a thousand dollars for magic weeds or pills that make you stain your undershorts (did we not learn about orlistat/xenocal before? What about those WOW chips that gave you ZERO FAT calories and quick runs to the bathroom?).

If you want to lose weight, take stock of how many calories you're taking in, then how many you're expending, and start doing the math. That's really what it takes. Adjust your energy output and intake as necessary. Talk to a nutritionist if necessary.

The solution is simple.

The implementation...doing what we really don't want to do...that's hard.