Seeing Others With Obesity and Sharing

I recently bumped into someone I had worked with a few years ago in a local Walmart. He was always overweight as far back as I knew him and I know his immediate family is also overweight, so it could be a habit issue that runs within the family line. I don't know. After a few years not seeing him around I did notice that he looked even heavier now.

He's a young guy, probably five to ten years my junior. Maybe even more.

He's in for a world of hurt if he follows the same path I did. I know it. I suspect he knows it too. But it was never a topic I brought up. It's not my place. I knew that when I was his age I knew I was overweight and at the rational level knew what I was doing to myself to some degree. But the decision to lose weight or take steps to lose weight (and maintain it...there's a difference) are personal. It has to become a conscious decision to change your lifestyle and way of life much in the way Richard Simmons changed his entire life to combating obesity and making it his mission to help others. That mission, made personal, is an obsession that comes to define part of who you are. And it's not easy. It's a big step that usually takes a giant kick in your giant rear to steer you towards trying to achieve.

Or you rationalize it all away in your mind and live with the complications of morbid obesity.

Why do I mention this?

Because I realized that one of the first things my in-skull soundboard noticed was his weight. "Holy crap...I think he's gained more weight." I immediately felt a flurry of guilt for thinking that knowing that is what so many others think when I see me..."Look at tubby!," they think. Women do the opposite of swoon. Children point, gasp, and run away before I eat them. Y'know, the usual fat cracks. These thoughts lasted all of four or five seconds and flowed unbidden but silent as we made some small talk.

I also remembered that after having the bariatric surgery often other people's weight becomes an obsession for members of the WLS community. You end up seeing other obese people and you want to spread the gospel of weight loss surgery, tell them how it helped you and share with them the freedoms and joys you now know with having less weight to carry. It was even outlined in a recent book I reviewed as an emotional change people often experience post-surgery.

I've not really had that happen. I tend to limit most of my sharing about the surgery to the blog and if anyone asks questions I'm more than glad to share with them my experiences. I also chatted some people up about it more than they probably wanted to hear at a recent party but they were drinking more than a few bottles of liquid courage at the time and I doubt I annoyed them too much. At least not when they woke up the next morning. Probably.

However I've heard a few others...such as at support group...where this has obviously manifested as a behavior for them. These were people pretty far down the road from the surgery so it's not one of the impulsive post-op-glee changes like watching The Food Network obsessively like, for example, I did. They have to restrain themselves from running up to other people they feel could benefit from the surgery.

I've worked in technology for a long time. I've found that one of the best things for home users to do in the long run is to get a Mac or use Linux. I make this known sometimes, usually if someone asks for a recommendation. But I've also learned that as crappy as Windows is for security, as detrimental as it can be to users for safety on the Internet, as much of a nightmare troubleshooting it can be...users don't care. It's not their "thing". It's my thing. I enjoy digging into the nuts and bolts of how it works. I enjoy solving the puzzles it poses (sometimes). I am mindful and care about using my computer. Most users do not. It's just a tool. A craftsman loves his tools. Me? A screwdriver makes a great substitute for a hammer when a hammer's not handy.

In other words my passions are not shared by others. And they will be turned off...and associate my interests with negative feelings and biases...if I try shoving them onto others not in a mood to be receptive to my ideas.

Weight loss surgery isn't a mystery to overweight people any more than they aren't oblivious to their weight problem. Their doctors are becoming more aware of telling their patients about the surgical option. Their friends are having it more often than we think, if the ones coming out of the woodwork when I had mine done is any indication. When a person is ready to be receptive to the idea of being slice-n-diced, they'll educate themselves about it or get information from their doctor at first. It's a huge decision that can't be made lightly and carries significant changes for your lifestyle; a post-op can't preach the gospel of WLS as if it were as simple as handing out a pamphlet on the corner and having another person proclaim that they, too, believe. This is put up or shut up; you're gonna have to get cut open and bleed a bit to join the flock.

I think we need to keep this in mind. Actually I think we need to become a lot more mindful of a number of things post-operatively. Our behaviors change. Our interests shift. Our moods, our habits, our need to monitor aspects of our diet, everything. Our perspectives on things change if the surgery is to be success because if they don't, it will fail. The surgery is a tool...one that will change and can be overcome if you don't take advantage of it to change your lifestyle. That's what the surgery really is. A crutch, or stepping stone, to improve your life, to aid you in getting to the next steps needed to improve your life.

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