Fitness Books and Options Galore

We had the family out recently to a Barnes and Noble bookstore and while there I asked my wife if she had seen any Dummies books on fitness. I had looked in the exercise section but found nothing.

Turned out they were having a display of the Dummies books elsewhere in the store, 30% off, so I didn't see it in the "right" place. Whoops. Did I mention my wife had a professor whose daughter was a cofounder of the company that makes the Dummies guides? Yeah. Neat factoid. Hard for me to type that without instantly thinking of the quote from Spaceballs when Dark Helmet tells Lone Starr that "I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate. "

So she picked up a book on fitness and I skimmed it. I was looking at trying to find ideas for alternative methods to build some strength and stamina while primarily working off weight, hopefully with something that can fit my habits with minimal interruption and preferably minimal expense. Yeah, I know, it's a pipe dream.

I skimmed through part of the book and...geez! I don't think you can really get into the fitness realm with any real knowledge of your arse from a hole in the ground unless you turn it into a full fledged hobby, which is not something I want to do.

Hmm...riding equipment. I have some space in the basement, I enjoy my stationary recumbent (and am considering pricing a newer one out because this one hurts my butt after an hour). What does it say? There's upright bikes, recumbent, elipticals, treadmills, weight machines, machines that simulate climbing, rowers, steppers, freeweights...whoa. By the way, treadmills are most accurate for estimating calorie burn, if you're interested. And many manufacturers lie or fudge estimates. One of the authors had a guy from a company admit they use a formula that boosts the number by some 30 percent so that customers subconsciously prefer their brand over others.

Okay, okay...lotta machines, I get that. How about a gym? You have to look at fitness trainer availability, classes, hidden fees, cleanliness in changing rooms, security, does it specialize or is it generalized, how new is equipment, upkeep in current equipment, fees for initiation,...okay. Overload. Stop there.

Screw it. Let's try something simple. Body only. That should be cheap. It talked about Pilates, aerobics, step-aerobics, kick boxing, martial arts, dance, stripper pole workouts,...AAH! Stop!

Okay, no no. Let's go outside. Biking? Recumbent or straight? Inline skating? It talked about how many injuries the ER sees from that every year. Rules of the road. Trying not to get hit. Bad weather. Ack. Let's go back in.

Pilates sounded interesting. It is supposed to focus on your core muscles, helping you with flexibility and strength through movements derived from animals. It originally was to help injured dancers stay in shape. Flip a few pages...um...easy to do wrong, recommend hiring an instructor, depends on if certified, get DVD, maybe public class for less, join a gym for possible discount, private trainers go for $50 to $200 bucks a session!? Um...well, there is just the DVD option...it recommended going to Amazon for some reviews...oh geez.

So much to learn. Maybe I'll do something any idiot can do and run.

Shoes cost how much? And are replaced after 400 to 500 miles?

Walking?

They last for one thousand miles, eh? And you need to do what to monitor your heartrate? Shoes should have added what support and reinforced whats? And there's an actual technique to walking for exercise? I've been doing it wrong for over thirty years?? Holy smokes.

I remember quite firmly why I thought fitness work was for the birds. Every time I look at that book after about ten minutes I'm ready to shove those pecs and abs and all those other wonderful jargon words up someone's glutes.

Sigh. But I'm still looking at it. I'll figure something out, I suppose.