Reactions Towards Those Who Notice Weight Loss

I recently went to some little social outing. Small thing, but I still didn't really want to go.

My wife said that maybe my mother just wanted to "show me off" with my weight loss.

The problem is that when there are people in the area that I know who suddenly comment on my loss of weight from what I was in January, I get mad, not grateful or glad.

I can't help but think that these people live in the area; they could stop in, they could call, they could do a lot of things. Instead I'm a five-minute topic of conversation (unless I'm a topic behind my back; that's a distinct possibility as well).

I live with food cravings all the time under various circumstances. I can no longer indulge in things that used to offer comfort, relief, and familiarity. An outing to Red Lobster is no longer a heaping serving of pilaf-strewn coconut shrimp; Applebees no longer offers me cheesy fried delights. Parties no longer offer ice cream and cake and no-bake cookies are a no no.

My only comfort now is peanuts and peanut butter, but even that I take only if I'm exercising. It's become a chained reward; I let myself have nuts as long as I am going to be working out at least an hour that day. It used to be that I would feel a little dizzy or light-headed if I didn't have them and I worked out...I don't know if I've adjusted by now, but as long as I'm losing weight I don't see as much need to alter that right now.

I live with this twenty four hours a day. Okay, maybe not when I'm sleeping, as far as I know, but when I'm awake, it's still an issue for me. These people, many of whom are related, don't visit. Don't skype. Don't call. But suddenly I'm worthy as a topic of attention for five minutes, some trite conversation piece to fit in with what Aunt Trudy recently got as a deal at Kohl's and how Mr. Howard has to get a new water heater. I feel as if it minimizes me. I know I didn't make it to the olympics or win a million dollar lottery, but where were you people before?

On the other hand a consultant friend came out to do some work at the business I'm in and he stopped to say how much I changed. He asked questions about the surgery, nodded politely while I talked about things like avoiding sugars and bariatric alcoholism ("I'm a cheap date now! Ha ha! The alcohol more literally goes straight to my brain!"*)

He seemed honest in his compliment, and he travels and hour to come to the site to work with us so he hasn't seen me in a long time. That little jabber session didn't tick me off at all...actually, he was taking time to listen when he should have been getting to the garage to pick up his car before they closed. He started asking the questions, so it wasn't my fault. I tell myself it's his fault if I bored him in that particular case.

But if you live ten minutes away and are a local phone call...please don't pretend I'm a topic of interest. Especially if you couldn't be bothered to contact me at all over all this time, or even notice on those occasions when you did see me that I've changed.

Maybe it's something I need to talk to the therapist about; there are a lot of emotional issues that go hand in hand with obesity and surgery, and coping mechanisms don't always work the way they used to (especially if your coping mechanism begins with C and rhymes with "rake"). I sometimes wonder if they didn't say anything at all if I'd still be mad; going through all this and yet nobody notices a damn thing!

I keep thinking that there was a period of time when I would have appreciated the interest. Back when I lost 70 pounds on my own...no one noticed. Back when I changed eating habits; I could barely eat anything when other people were pigging down at the Chinese Buffets or Country Buffets...no one noticed. I went from losing an Ashley Olsen to a Johnny Depp and suddenly I'm a five minute topic of passing interest before, "Ooh! Shiny!" and flitting away.

Anyway, it just bugged me and hopefully declaring it here will get it out of my head a little.